What Shall I Give

I decided to keep giving, to keep giving the most valuable and precious to those who come across my path and into my space. I decided to keep giving myself...............my smile, my laughter, my attention, my time. I decided to keep sharing my space, my thoughts, my advice, my opinions. I decided to keep giving my ideas and creativity. I'm giving my love. Whoo!! MY LOVE! I'm going to keep giving my love, the love that Grace extends to me. How precious is that! It's risky too, but it's worth it. This can seem to be a great task. I find it to be overwhelming when the dependence is on my strength alone. Only when my feelings, emotions, and hurts are the driving force behind my actions and responses does loving become frightening. But GRACE.........Grace meets me at every moment. As a matter of fact, Grace has met all of my days and always stands ready to extend the courage and strength needed to give of myself. Today, Grace met me and I'm free to give. I realize that granting someone or something the power to rip that freedom away from me is too costly. It's painful and it's irritating. I would rather release who I am openly, freely, and fully because my joy is found there. Will I be hurt in doing so? Probably. Nevertheless, I have found that there is nothing more painful than shutting myself off. It is like being enclosed in a cell and each wall and bar I build locks me in tighter and tighter. I can't breathe, I can't move, I can't express. It's a dark place, a lonely place. I can't stay there or I'll lose myself, my mind, my joy, my spunk. I announce that I am released from that place and I have moved to a place of freedom. I've moved to a fearless place. It's in this place that I laugh in spite of and smile in the midst of. I share my time with people. If you talk to me, I'll listen. You can cry on my shoulder or find peace in my embrace. I'll allow you to see what's inside of me because you need that. A vulnerable place it is, yet I am at my best here. I didn't get to this place on my own. Grace led me here as only He could. Only Grace can empower you and propel you past your pain and anger, past your fears and anxieties in order to fully give of yourself to others. In ourselves, we tend to hide in isolation for protection, but Grace grabs you by the hand, leads you out, and presents you as a beautiful and wonderful presence in the earth. Grace reminds you of your importance. Someone needs you. They need what only you can give, that which has been placed inside of you. Someone needs me. I don't want to hide anymore. I don't want to shield myself in fear any longer. So I won't............ I'll keep giving instead. I'll keep giving me.

Move with Grace

Beyond is what you didn't plan, what you couldn't see, what you couldn't even imagine. It's what nobody can stop. It's where Grace takes you.............it's destiny. Stop striving for far. Go beyond.


j.h.

In front of yesterday

Today I woke up feeling emotions of frustration and anger from thoughts of moments that I did not like and wished had never happened as well as moments that I did like but yet still wished had never happened. Just when I was on the brink of being consumed and settled into the whirlwind of my emotions, something very simple yet profound became very clear to me......so clear it made me smile. It dawned on me that I was standing in front of yesterday. Think about it. Anything that you stand in front of is behind you, and the only way you will ever be able to see it is if you turn around. Not only was yesterday behind me, but even now, seconds are behind me, minutes are behind me, hours are behind me. Days are behind me, weeks are behind me, months are behind me. Years are behind me, decades are behind me. I'm standing in front of yesterday, in front of my past and I don't have to turn around. A lot of times we allow our soul to lead us to a place of remembrance, and so we become consumed by tears we have already cried, pain we've already felt, angered we've already expressed, rejection we've already experienced. Gripped by the torment of what was and what happened, we fail to realize that the moment has passed and no longer exists. You're in front of it! All that has happened to me is behind me. I don't care if it happened a second ago. That second is gone and now I have the choice to either turn around or look ahead. This morning I decided to look ahead. Dreams made manifest are ahead of me, success is ahead of me, challenges are ahead of me. TRUE love is ahead of me and enemies are ahead of me. Laughter is ahead of me, smiles are ahead of me and tears are ahead of me. New friendships are ahead of me and the renewal of old friendships are ahead of me. Joy is ahead of me and pain is ahead of me. I embrace it all for all that I encounter strengthens me, matures me, changes me, challenges me. All I experience will reveal a side of Grace that I've never seen before. Life's moments expose who I am, where I am strong, where I am weak. So yes, I embrace it all. Sometimes I'll remember to let go of yesterday's residue whether good or bad to experience the fullness of a fresh moment, a new time. Other times I will fail to do so. When I fail, rest assure I will be reminded of where I stand. I'll begin to see clearly. This morning, just when I was on the brink of being consumed and settled into the whirlwind of my emotions, something very simple yet profound became very clear to me: I wasn't strong enough in moments all the time, but today I am strong enough to stand in front of yesterday.


j.h.

Beneficial Thinking

I've been told that I think too much as if it's a bad thing to be a thinker. I do think quite a bit and it has served to be both beneficial and detrimental in different instances. Because I am a thinker I see the deep when others see the surface, I understand what others find confusing, and I see a perspective that they haven't a clue about. I go to deep places which makes me capable of experiencing a level of passion, intimacy, and revelation beyond belief once I let myself freely flow in that place. I believe that the issue is not about how much I think, its important how I think. How I think can either lead me to beautiful places and bring clarity or it can lead me to a place of despair and confusion. Lately, the more I think the more I see who I really am, what I deserve, the consequence of my actions, my worth. I see what I really want and what I do not want. Most importantly I see just how simple things are and the ways I complicate them. I see that I really shouldn't have a care in the world. I care when I should be resting, I fear what ifs when I should be sure of what is. I reject pain when I should embrace it, I hold on when I should let go. Simply put I can see myself and my need to rest in something greater than me, something greater than my weaknesses, flaws and failures, greater than the opinions and thoughts of others, even greater than my own self perception. That something for me is actually a someone........Grace a.k.a Jesus. I am on a continuous journey of learning to rest in Grace. Part of this resting journey includes guarding not how much I think but how I think. So far my journey has included a few ups and downs, twists and turns, pleasant and unpleasant surprises, and a few emotional bruises. Nevertheless, I must say that the experience is absolutely beautiful because the journey of resting in Grace will always reveal how much you are loved and absolutely adored by God...........amazing and quite beneficial. I think I'll think on that some more. :-)


j.h.